Neutral
by Eternal Designs
Summary: Sequal to my previous story: Another Ari? Ziva is unsure on adopting Marissa is the right choice. Rated T for safety.
1. Prologue

**Prologue:**

Life, something you have to live with, and something that no matter what you do, you can't stop it. You can't stop those impossible challenges you have to overcome in your darkest hour, or those times when you feel that you are just waiting to die. But, sometimes you get to choose to save someone's life. Whether you are holding a gun, killing one to save another, or a scalpel you have to choose, some easy and some hard but there is a decision that is needed in a few seconds that you have no time to prepare or even consider your options, you just act. Because sometimes you have to put yourself at risk in order to put another in a safe position. But the only position that is the hardest to overcome is one where you don't know if your decision was right or wrong. Often there isn't an answer. Sometimes it just remains neutral.


	2. Things We Keep to Ourselves

**Things We Keep to Ourselves:**

"Common Ziva, it can't be that hard." Tony said criticizing as he watched Ziva carry a sleeping Marissa up the stairs to her apartment.

"You try getting shot and a few months later carrying a 30 pound girl up the stairs DiNozzo!" Ziva said halfway grunting as she reached the top step. "Just open the door."

"Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine." Tony said while doing as she asked.

She passed by giving him a stare as she entered the apartment. Tony followed her and watched as she went into her room, placed Marissa on her bed and threw an old blanket on her to keep her warm.

"Awww… is the ninja getting a heart?" Tony said jokingly

"Don't start Tony." She replied.

"Ok, you've made it clear you aren't happy. What's up?" Tony said, his eyes starting to get more serious.

"Nothing, just leave me alone. Actually, no, I'm going for a run because I go back to work tomorrow, nothing you can say about that. See you in a while." Ziva shot back and with that she opened the door and walked out.

The fresh air didn't help one bit. She ran down the steps and into a nearby park and took a seat next to a seemingly busy mom. Her whole life seemed to be turned upside down, and she wasn't so sure it was for the better. Not only is she now a citizen on the U.S., but now on top of protecting people and the country, she was supposed to protect an innocent little girl from this world that is so dangerous to her. Ziva bit back tears._ Now is not the time to cry, I can cry when I'm dead._ Ziva thought. She has already embarrassed herself at the hospital.

She stood up and started to head towards a house she has only been at a couple of times. But one who the person inside she has trusted from the get go. Gibbs.

When Ziva got up to his house, she opened the door, and headed to the basement. Hoping he was home she peaked her head out from the doorway and looked down searching for him.

"Yes Ziva?" Gibbs said from behind a corner.

"Gibbs," she said half smiling as she came down the wooden steps.

"You obviously didn't wait to get out and about." Gibbs commented.

_Small talk? Gibbs doesn't usually do small talk._ "Yeah, well I'm perfectly fine right now."

"Except? Come on Ziva, I know you came here for a reason."

"Have you ever felt that your whole life has been turned upside down and you don't know if it's good or bad, and all you want to do sometimes is go back in time and make the better decision?" Ziva said quickly, she couldn't let herself lose to her emotions.

"Once or twice,"

"Gibbs, I don't know what's going on. I mean, my mother, she raised me to follow in my father's footsteps. Now I'm a mother and I don't know what to do. I mean, I can't take example from anyone I've been around cause they either are murderers or are currently doing things illegal, and clearly I've never even come close to being a mother. Gibbs," Ziva said, her voice breaking near the very end, her throat tightening and eyes with tears falling slowly down her cheeks, quickly wiping them away.

"Oh Ziva…" Gibbs said quietly wrapping her into a comforting embrace.

"How do you even raise a child? I just can't even begin to even attempt to start. Am I ready for it? Motherhood?"

"All mother's doubt themselves,"

"Gibbs, I'm sure they don't feel like a child could be the worst mistake of their whole life."

"You will learn." Gibbs said reassuringly.

"We will see." She said as she glances at her phone for the time. 5:15 PM. "Dinner, I need to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

"No, you won't." Gibbs said.

"Why…?" Ziva replied quizzically.

"You are staying home."

"No, I'm not Gibbs; I'm going to work tomorrow. Marissa is taken care of, she is going to school."

"Stay home Ziva, don't spread yourself too thin. Your life is complicated right now, just take the day off. That's an order. Now, go home."

"Night." Ziva said as she headed up the stairs without complaint.

When she got home she saw Tony was waiting for her in the kitchen. "Have a nice run?"

"I went to go see Gibbs."

That changed things automatically. "What can you say to Gibbs and not me?"

"Oh Tony stop it! Look, I was… am having problems, I went to Gibbs because he has experience!"

"I see." Tony said sarcastically.

"Tony, go! I need to cook and you are in the way."

Tony walked out of the kitchen making a cat meowing noise. Rolling her eyes she opened the pantry and decided on rice and chicken. Within an hour they all sat at a table with Ziva on an exercise ball as a chair. Dinner was dead silent. Not even one peep from Marissa, which is unusual. _Typically Marissa picks up on mood changes pretty quickly; maybe she knows enough to keep her mouth shut._ Ziva though to herself as she munched on a piece of chicken. Soon the awkward dinner was over and she started to pick up dinner and put the leftovers in the fridge.

"Marissa, bed. You are going to school tomorrow." Ziva ordered.

Marissa headed off to bed, and a few minutes later Ziva went in to say goodnight.

"Ziva, do you love me?" Marissa asked innocently.

Taken aback Ziva paused trying to regain control of herself. "Yes, why?"

"Because, you don't seem like you want me here." Marissa replied.

"Foolishness. Goodnight Marissa, love you." Ziva said and kissed her on the forehead. As soon as she was in the hallway she realized that those words she just said was in a way forced just to make Marissa feel comfortable. _Great, now I feel guilty._ Ziva thought as she went back into the kitchen.

"Alright, Marissa is in bed, you can say goodnight, if you wish." Ziva said shaking her head.

"I need to go, but thanks for dinner, Ziva." Tony said as he walked out the door.

"Night."

After Tony was gone, Ziva got out some sheets and made the couch her bed for the night. Sighing as she laid down, unsure of what tomorrow may bring, but one thing for sure, she was going to work tomorrow, no matter what.


	3. The Axe and Cancer

**The Axe and Cancer:**

Ziva set her alarm for four AM. She had to be there early to pull off her plan to go to work today. But there is one thing that she needed to take care of. How to get Marissa to school. _I doubt that the school will be open at four. She doesn't know anyone to take her, and I can't possibly leave her by herself._ She thought.

Sighing, she slipped under the covers and closed her eyes hoping that the answer will come to her when she is asleep. 

_ Hearing a phone ring, Ziva absentmindedly picked it up. _

_ "Hello?"_

_ "Hello, Ziva David." Said the person on the other side mispronouncing her last name._

_ "Yes?"_

_ "I am Gerald Willington, the school principle. We had a lockdown an hour ago, and it was because of your daughter."_

_ "What are you talking about?"_

_ "Your daughter Marissa, ma'am."_

_ "Don'.'am."_

_ "Mrs.?"_

_ "I am not married." Sharp._

_ "Well whoever… whatever you are, you need to come down here."_

_ "I think you are mistaken, but I'll come down." _

_ "Thank you." Click._

_ Ziva sat, staring at the phone in utter confusion. How could Marissa do anything like that? What could sh…_

Just then something broke her dream. Her alarm clock. Shaking her head she got up and got dressed. Racing around the house trying to gather everything that she may need today. Patting her side, she realized she forgot her gun. She went into her room and grabbed the gun in the holster and clipped it on. Now to get Marissa up.

"Marissa, time to get up."

"I am up. Imp even dressed." Marissa said while lying in bed.

"Really?"

"Yes, see?" Marissa replied excitedly as she stood up.

"All right. Go brush your teeth and I'll get you breakfast, and we will go to school."

"Ok," Marissa said, taking off across the house.

Ziva went into the kitchen and prepared her cereal. When Marissa came out Ziva saw that her clothes are miss-matched. _She is 1__st__ grade. Who is going to care?_ She thought. By four thirty they were out the door.

Driving on the still darkly roads, she pulled up to the school. They were the only ones there except one car.

"Come on, let's go." Marissa leapt out of the car and ran to the front doors, just as someone was passing by them. The person opened them out of curiosity.

"I take it someone was excited about school."

Ziva giggled a little. "I guess so. Hey, can you watch after her please? I really need to go to work, and well I don't know anybody to look after her…"

"Sure. Oh, I'm Rick Baxter, the night janitor." His hand was outstretched.

"Ziva David. Thank you." She said meeting his hand and shaking it.

"Not a problem, have fun at work."

"I'm sure it will be a joy." Ziva said sarcastically.

Ziva walked away, and got in the car. Luckily the school wasn't too far from the NCIS building. She walked through the doors and took the elevator to Abby's lab. When she got to the floor she saw that her light in the lab was on.

"Of course, I'm guessing they are all here working overtime. The one day I actually want to come here at night…" She muttered under her breath.

Ziva stepped into Abby's lab. The first thing she saw was Abby sleeping, her head rested on Burt and her arm cuddling with a half empty Caf-Pow. Ziva walked up to Abby and gently shook her away.

"Abby," Ziva said whispering.

Nothing came from Abby.

"_Abby," _Ziva said shaking her harder.

A mumble from Abby. "Hmm…?" Abby said barely audible.

"Abby, I need you to be awake."

"Ok… ZIVA!" Abby said realizing that Ziva stood right in front of her.

"Nice to see you too Abby," Ziva said while she was being strangled in a bear hug from her.

"I thought you were staying home today, I mean that's what Gibbs said. Usually you obey his orders, unless it wasn't an order, maybe it was a suggestion. But I'm pretty sure it's an order. So what are you doing here?" Abby said rapidly.

"Working, but I'm going to hide in your Lab for the day ok?"

"Won't Gibbs know? I mean he knows everything…"

"I hope not. Umm… I'll hide in your ballistics lab, and sneak out and work the case when they are gone."  
"Seems difficult, but ok," Abby agreed.

"Great, so what are you working on?"  
"Just a case, Lt. Josh Corral murdered with an axe, was with a whole bunch of people who had bad blood, all of them are staying quiet though."

"Hm… Case file please?"

"Sure." Abby said handing it to her.

"Any of them have kids?"  
"Umm… Josh did. A little girl, about six years old. Poor thing," Abby said with sympathy.

"How old was this body when we found it?"

"One month ago,"

"Does the girl have a mom?" Ziva asked.

"Nope, died of cancer, same night,"

"Too much of a coincidence. Ok, do you have a picture of the girl?"

"No, this guy lead a secretive life. Sorry,"

"Do you have blood samples for Josh?"  
"Yes, and plenty of them."

"Good, keep those, I may need them later,"

"For what?" Abby eyes flashed with concern.

"Testing, I'll tell you later, I need to go in hiding now, Gibbs will be here any minute now."

"Ok, sure whatever. See you later." Abby said with a little bit of uneasiness.

_This cannot be happening!_ Ziva thought as she hid in a blind spot in the room, mulling over the possibilities, that Marissa's parents were actually murdered… and how to ask Marissa about her parents, and most importantly does Gibbs know?


End file.
